Reader Expectation and the Known-New Contract

After reading chapter four in Kolln's Rhetorical Grammar I now realize that I have not always performed my obligations as a writer to uphold the Known-New Contract of sentence structure and paragraph organization, which I believe leads to a failure to fulfill my readers' expectations. To illustrate this point, here is a short piece from a paper I wrote about Ian McEwan's Saturday:

Only Daisy is subject to this scrutinization of talent. Theo’s talents are well established throughout the novel. With the first introduction of Theo’s character, his talent is introduced and substantiated by the statement that in the “gossipy world of British blues, Theo is spoken of as a man of promise, already mature in his grasp of the idiom, who might one day walk with the gods” (McEwan 26). Not only can Henry say through his own evaluation that Theo is a talented blues musician, but he recalls the opinions of those in the British blues circle to solidify his own judgments.

When my readers begin to read this paragraph, they would probably expect to read in the next sentence something about Daisy's talent being scrutinized. Instead, I move to talk about another character. This is probably awkward for my reader, especially since I have not established any known information in this second sentence. I make this same mistake again when I Do not mention that it is yet another character, Henry, that I am referring as the scrutinizer. Henry's name just appears in the last sentence with no real explanation and certainly no known information. I think a better way to write this passage would be:

Though Daisy's talent is subject to scrutiny throughout the novel, her brother Theo's talent is never questioned. Theo's talents are well established throughout the novel through both the musings of his father Henry and the opinions of members of the British blues community. With the first introduction of Theo’s character, his talent is introduced and substantiated by the statement that in the “gossipy world of British blues, Theo is spoken of as a man of promise, already mature in his grasp of the idiom, who might one day walk with the gods” (McEwan 26). The positive opinions about Theo in the blues community allows Henry to conclude that his son is indeed a great talent, saving Theo from a scrutinizing of his musical talent.

In this version of the passage, I think it is much clearer what I am trying to convey to my readers. Because I have fulfilled the Known-New Contract more completely in the revision, the passage is less awkward and more cohesive.